This week I am pleased to share with you a piece I wrote about an issue that has been close to my heart for a very long time: Why Intimacy is a Public Health Issue. I invite you to read it below.
Intimacy is strongly linked with sex or romantic partnerships, but when you travel more deeply you understand intimacy comes in many more different ways with and between different people - and that there a many people also missing out.
What I am most pleased about is that I am in a position to make the change in the world I would like to see...so I am...through working with people in my health business and of course with our event, Celebrating Sexuality.
Please have a read below, I would also be interested to hear your thoughts on the topic of intimacy.
On another note, we are just 7 weeks from our 5th event, the crew are SUPER excited - as am I :) :) I know many of you are, too.
I met today with Transcendental Concepts to discuss all things decor - her plans are amazing and will no doubt look even more amazing!
Can't wait to see you in November!
Love,
Jo xx
Co-Founder & Festival Director
Celebrating Sexuality
explore | learn | grow | play | celebrate
Intimacy is strongly linked with sex or romantic partnerships, but when you travel more deeply you understand intimacy comes in many more different ways with and between different people - and that there a many people also missing out.
What I am most pleased about is that I am in a position to make the change in the world I would like to see...so I am...through working with people in my health business and of course with our event, Celebrating Sexuality.
Please have a read below, I would also be interested to hear your thoughts on the topic of intimacy.
On another note, we are just 7 weeks from our 5th event, the crew are SUPER excited - as am I :) :) I know many of you are, too.
I met today with Transcendental Concepts to discuss all things decor - her plans are amazing and will no doubt look even more amazing!
Can't wait to see you in November!
Love,
Jo xx
Co-Founder & Festival Director
Celebrating Sexuality
explore | learn | grow | play | celebrate
Why Intimacy is a Public Health Issue - Jo Balmforth
It is widely known that when a person is dying, what they owned or achieved at work counts for nothing. What matters most is relationships, especially anyone they shared an intimate relationship with, and people they wish they had been closer to.
Intimacy is strongly linked with sexual or romantic partnerships. Travel more deeply and you understand that intimacy comes in many different forms. Aside from sexual relationships, my own experiences of intimacy have been felt walking side by side with another, in a child reaching for my hand, a deep hug, snuggling with a pet, a gathering of friends and laughter shared with my teenager over a clever joke. It’s a deep and mutual acknowledgement of sharing, that someone else ‘gets me’ as I have presented before them. I feel seen, I feel connected.
The benefits of intimacy are shown through various disciplines of research as essential to one’s health and well-being. The level of intimacy experienced impacts how well we function in society. Health care systems have the potential to measure this level of functioning, through assessment of patients’ ‘social well-being’ as well as ‘sexuality’.
During my twenty year nursing career I specialised in cancer and palliative care; working to a senior level in care, education, research and change management. I have been around death and dying for most of my adult life. Caring for a person – and the family of someone – who is dying, is one of the most intimate events you can share. But in this setting, intimacy is almost always viewed through the lens of physical care. There is an emotional need that is neglected, in both the medical and alternative health models.
A few years into my career, I was confronted by an example of neglect. I met a man aged thirty-five. His cancer treatment had prolonged his life for a short time, however it had left him weak from his waist down. Confined to a wheelchair, he had worn a urinary catheter for six months, changed routinely by hospital staff, which was how we first met.
Whilst providing his care, I asked a relatively simple question about his home life. “Is there anyone at home or nearby you feel close to?”. “No”, he said stoically; “but the people at the hospital are helpful”. Here was my chance to move on, where many more had.
I slowed my movement to stop – “How is that for you?” His face changed. Looking down he shared his experience; his treatment had prolonged his life for a time but had left him feeling ashamed and isolated. He hadn’t hugged anyone in over a year. With a sense of shame, he shared how he hadn’t tried to meet anyone. Not knowing if they’d want to befriend him, or if he could remove the catheter to be with a partner.
In 12 months this had never been addressed. We were saving people’s lives but at what cost to their quality of life? No, I didn’t give him a hug, and I still feel sad that there wasn’t a hug for him that day. I felt a weight of inadequacy. Where sat the accountability? He agreed to a referral for counselling, which was a start.
I initiated a clinical project, the aim was to understand if this was an issue for other patients, I researched clinical care notes. The assessments for social well-being consistently recorded only the type of accommodation and if they lived with a partner or alone. Sexuality consistently marked as ‘not discussed’. Little to nothing regards quality of social or emotional support patients received, the opportunity wasted.
I interviewed my colleagues, much to the discomfit of many, revealing the primary reason for avoidance. Intimacy was associated with sex; patients were presumed not to be worried about sex as they were dying. Yet, patients did wonder about sex, but felt a sense of shame attached to asking. I was routinely asked by patients about how physically intimate they could be; could they have sex; could they hug people? I know this was due to the space I provided; what people really needed to surpass this shame, was permission.
During the rest of my career I did what I could in the units I was employed however, it wasn’t a priority for the wider system. In 2011 I began a transition from my nursing career to work more deeply with people in alternative health and facilitation. An opportunity arose in 2012 to change people’s experience of intimacy through an innovative new event, Celebrating Sexuality, a weekend of workshops exploring the spectrum of sex and relationships. People travel from all over Australia and internationally. Yes, to learn more about sex but mostly to enjoy a space with permission to explore what intimacy means for them.
My experience has shown me that it takes little to give people the permission they crave. Health professionals are caring for people in vulnerable situations daily, and in an ideal position to provide this space. However, the discomfit and shame they share with the rest of the population, particularly around sexuality, is the barrier. My vision is for an event adjunct to Celebrating Sexuality to support professional training and accreditation. I do not want any more people to feel unseen, without a hug.
When it comes to intimacy, people are in fact dying to talk about it.
*******
I am interested to hear your thoughts on this topic, please email me [email protected]
Intimacy is strongly linked with sexual or romantic partnerships. Travel more deeply and you understand that intimacy comes in many different forms. Aside from sexual relationships, my own experiences of intimacy have been felt walking side by side with another, in a child reaching for my hand, a deep hug, snuggling with a pet, a gathering of friends and laughter shared with my teenager over a clever joke. It’s a deep and mutual acknowledgement of sharing, that someone else ‘gets me’ as I have presented before them. I feel seen, I feel connected.
The benefits of intimacy are shown through various disciplines of research as essential to one’s health and well-being. The level of intimacy experienced impacts how well we function in society. Health care systems have the potential to measure this level of functioning, through assessment of patients’ ‘social well-being’ as well as ‘sexuality’.
During my twenty year nursing career I specialised in cancer and palliative care; working to a senior level in care, education, research and change management. I have been around death and dying for most of my adult life. Caring for a person – and the family of someone – who is dying, is one of the most intimate events you can share. But in this setting, intimacy is almost always viewed through the lens of physical care. There is an emotional need that is neglected, in both the medical and alternative health models.
A few years into my career, I was confronted by an example of neglect. I met a man aged thirty-five. His cancer treatment had prolonged his life for a short time, however it had left him weak from his waist down. Confined to a wheelchair, he had worn a urinary catheter for six months, changed routinely by hospital staff, which was how we first met.
Whilst providing his care, I asked a relatively simple question about his home life. “Is there anyone at home or nearby you feel close to?”. “No”, he said stoically; “but the people at the hospital are helpful”. Here was my chance to move on, where many more had.
I slowed my movement to stop – “How is that for you?” His face changed. Looking down he shared his experience; his treatment had prolonged his life for a time but had left him feeling ashamed and isolated. He hadn’t hugged anyone in over a year. With a sense of shame, he shared how he hadn’t tried to meet anyone. Not knowing if they’d want to befriend him, or if he could remove the catheter to be with a partner.
In 12 months this had never been addressed. We were saving people’s lives but at what cost to their quality of life? No, I didn’t give him a hug, and I still feel sad that there wasn’t a hug for him that day. I felt a weight of inadequacy. Where sat the accountability? He agreed to a referral for counselling, which was a start.
I initiated a clinical project, the aim was to understand if this was an issue for other patients, I researched clinical care notes. The assessments for social well-being consistently recorded only the type of accommodation and if they lived with a partner or alone. Sexuality consistently marked as ‘not discussed’. Little to nothing regards quality of social or emotional support patients received, the opportunity wasted.
I interviewed my colleagues, much to the discomfit of many, revealing the primary reason for avoidance. Intimacy was associated with sex; patients were presumed not to be worried about sex as they were dying. Yet, patients did wonder about sex, but felt a sense of shame attached to asking. I was routinely asked by patients about how physically intimate they could be; could they have sex; could they hug people? I know this was due to the space I provided; what people really needed to surpass this shame, was permission.
During the rest of my career I did what I could in the units I was employed however, it wasn’t a priority for the wider system. In 2011 I began a transition from my nursing career to work more deeply with people in alternative health and facilitation. An opportunity arose in 2012 to change people’s experience of intimacy through an innovative new event, Celebrating Sexuality, a weekend of workshops exploring the spectrum of sex and relationships. People travel from all over Australia and internationally. Yes, to learn more about sex but mostly to enjoy a space with permission to explore what intimacy means for them.
My experience has shown me that it takes little to give people the permission they crave. Health professionals are caring for people in vulnerable situations daily, and in an ideal position to provide this space. However, the discomfit and shame they share with the rest of the population, particularly around sexuality, is the barrier. My vision is for an event adjunct to Celebrating Sexuality to support professional training and accreditation. I do not want any more people to feel unseen, without a hug.
When it comes to intimacy, people are in fact dying to talk about it.
*******
I am interested to hear your thoughts on this topic, please email me [email protected]